And should not “fill in the blank”. “Exist” might be a good blank filler.
I realize this is a mouth-full and is a very tiny minority of the transsexual population. That’s fine. Skip it if you don’t find yourself here. However, if you do, you might want to take a few moments to get in my headspace. I have met with legions of potentials, dated hundreds and have learned a thing or two.
The title of this post needs to be clearly understood first.
Passing. This simply refers to whether or not you are seen as a woman by strangers. If you are, chances are fair that you are ‘passing’ and if so, nobody realizes you are trans, let alone what’s between your legs.
PreOp. This refers to being Pre Operation or in other words, not having gone through with surgery. For whatever reason, you still have penis between your legs.
Transsexual. Essentially, you have crossed over the gender boundary and you are no longer a man. After years of hormones, your body has changed significantly. Your mind has also been altered because the chemicals now pulsing through your veins which increase the effects of estrogen and nearly eliminate the effects of testosterone. To document the full effects is difficult to do but suffice to say, you are nothing like you were, your brain has flipped and you’ve been surprised on numerous occasions about how significantly all this has impacted you. You knew what you were getting into but nothing could have prepared you for what really happened. The way that people treat you, what you see in the mirror, the things that you struggle with and win at, are constant reminders that no matter what you do, short of surgery to reverse the process and lots and lots of chemical/psychological therapy, there is no way to reverse your direction. Despite difficulty, you must face the fact that there is no going back.
Heterosexual. A sexual proclivity toward the ‘opposite’ sex. This is a mind-bending thing to think about and especially so when you consider all the factors; how you see yourself, what’s really there and how other people see you. For the sake of clarity, I won’t muddy the water just yet and I will just say that you lean toward sexual interest in men.
Women. How do you define them? I can tell you from extensive testing, that men define women as a person with a vagina. There is little else that matters when defining a ‘woman’ to a man. True enough, you will find some men out there who are willing to define transsexual women as such but the vast majority will simply not do this, no matter how much you disagree with them.
Now that we have some definitions out of the way, we can discuss some brief points of the issue: namely, that you should not date in your current state.
First of all, whether you are at work, the supermarket, online or in any other type of space where the ‘opposite’ gender exists, you will not be detected and because of this, interested men will attempt to engage you. What is opposite? Considering you are stuck between worlds from a reproductive standpoint, everything is your opposite but for the sake of being clear, we will assume from this point forward, we’re discussing men as being your opposite. If you want to argue this point, consider this fact: you are physically, mentally, sociologically, chemically and interpersonally a woman. Yet, you have a penis. If you have all the right parts but one, irregardless of beauty and accomplishment, you will be branded as ‘fake’, ‘not real’ and other grossly unintelligent assessments of your gender.
The simple brute will never respect you for who and what you say you are since to them, you are a liar and entirely fake. Yep, you’re not a person and you don’t even exist, at least according to them. So, you’re passing, out in the world and living out your days being a hugely successful woman and you run into these heterosexual men. In my view alone it seems, there is no real point at which it becomes expedient to out yourself, especially when it comes to complete strangers or in a professional setting. So, there you are, doing well, getting along with people, forming friendships and lots of time passes. What do you know, you wind up getting close to one of the people you’ve encountered! Just a second there! You’ve never told them! Why? Because you realize that doing so would undermine the relationship you have and why destroy a good thing? Besides! They were just friends and then you felt yourself slipping into this very special and wonderful place–maybe you even fell in love. I’ll never forget when it happened. We were walking back into work from the parking garage and he said, Jadii, do you have a penis? You know because if you do, what we have is over.
If you tell men immediately upon meeting them about your very delicate situation, they will predominantly (about 99% of the time) say that they were never interested to begin with, even though their body language, tone, demeanor and every other way they are serve to be your spies in knowing fully, the exact opposite. This will break your heart and trust me, it will do so again and again and again and again and…there is no way to break the cycle unless you undergo your surgery.
You’re preop. Even if you can, as I have done, garner the interest of thousands upon thousands, because you are attracted to the opposite sex and identify as heterosexual, your attractions will predominantly only gain the attention of those men who are also heterosexual and attracted to the opposite sex. But you’re a preop transsexual!
Sure, you may find many men who are interested in you from among those that you outed yourself to from the get go but from among these men, you may not find what you are looking for. There are two types: Type A: Predominantly not your heterosexual type of men and they will exhibit behaviors and proclivities that you find to be different from those that are. Type B: So, you’ve found men who are interested, they are heterosexual and they don’t seem to exhibit these same behaviors. But wait! About 100% of the time they are married! Or they are in ‘an open relationship’ and have numerous partners!
I could go on and on and… I won’t. I’ve outlined a few of the reasons why the woman defined above cannot date. Pure and simple, no brainer. Go ahead and break yourself upon the rocks by diving into the ocean and watch it destroy your life.
Attraction is a fickle thing and honestly, you’re just as fickle as the person who denies their interest in you. You like heterosexual men and you’re a transsexual preop! Nothing could be more ironic. Nope. Best to kill your dream. At least until surgery. I realize it might never happen for you and that even if it does, you’ll likely be past your prime or older. Find something else to do with your time.